There are few things more discouraging and life-altering than a failed marriage. We can study trends and track statistics on this subject, but spreadsheets do very little to explain to each person why their marriage went down the drain. Anthropology, sociology, and many other -ologies are certainly valid tools in examining the general human condition and all its outcomes, but what about individually....READ ORIGINAL & FULL CONTENT FROM SOURCE |
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I have experienced the heartbreak of marital implosion more than once myself. As one inevitably gave way to another, I began to notice four things within myself that forced me to admit that maybe — just maybe — I was contributing to the outcomes.
Four ugly behaviors that contributed to not being able to keep a good woman in my life.
1. Living in the past
When I was in college, I went through what I now realize was a fairly garden-variety breakup. She was my first love and letting go was super hard.
I acted out in embarrassing ways in the wake of that coupling. This behavior caught the attention of our Dean of Students, who ordered me to the campus counselor for a headspace tune-up.
A classical psychotherapist, he dragged me back to my childhood to discover the roots of my attachment issues. Within minutes, he had me discussing my childhood and being raised without my biological mother. We camped on that issue for weeks without discussing any other experiences in my life.
2. Lacking self-awareness
The most unfortunate result of those therapy sessions in college was that I walked away from them with a go-to defense mechanism: blaming others.
Blaming others for where I was in life became a defense mechanism that excused me from examining my attitudes, actions, intentions, and culpability, as suggested by an article in Psychopathology Journal.
3. Being extraordinarily impatient
I have always been in a hurry and my impatience drives me in ways that are unspeakably unhealthy. Where relationships are concerned, I have only recently come to realize why I was always in such a hurry: I was afraid that healthy courtship would expose me before we could commit.
To my previous point, ignoring my internal baggage was me lying to myself. Lying to myself meant I was lying to everyone else too.
The longer I spent getting to know someone, the longer they had to get inside my head and dig around. I now realize I was unconsciously aware of this — to the point that I was zipping through dating processes to avoid laying my true issues bare for someone who might decide to dip on me because of them.
4. Being ridiculously lazy
I certainly had bad role models for how to act in marriage when I was growing up, but I take full ownership of this one. My laziness has always been easily the most fixable of my issues in relationships, but for some reason, I just rolled with it. I wondered why partners could not just love me for who I was pretending to be.
I’ve never been Mr. Fix-it. I am not a mechanic, general contractor, carpenter, or any other type of skilled laborer. When something went wrong in the house, I called someone to come address it.Read The Full Article/Content Here.