DEAR ABBY: My wife and I deeply care for our daughter, Liz, who is 28 years old and works as a nurse. Liz is very important to us. Liz’s boyfriend, Owen, used to use a lot of cannabis in the past. My wife believes he still uses it when he feels stressed. In addition to this, Owen has a gambling habit.... CLICK TO READ THE FULL NEWS HERE▶ ... CLICK TO READ THE FULL NEWS HERE▶
We decided to give Owen a chance, so he is currently staying in our walk-in in-law apartment because he had nowhere else to go. My wife believes he is disrespectful, but I think her feelings might be influenced by the fact that she does not like him.
Owen and Liz have been dating for four years now. Owen claims he is planning to propose to Liz, but so far, nothing has materialized. Even though Liz seems to be in love with him, my wife and I have serious concerns about Owen’s character and worry that he may bring trouble in the future.
I’m at my wit’s end and my wife is constantly stressed. I know you are going to say our daughter is 28 and an adult, etc., but this situation is different. What else can you offer? — STRUNG ALONG IN NEW YORK
DEAR STRUNG ALONG: Have a “man-to-man” talk with Owen to ask directly what his plans are regarding his relationship with your daughter. He has lived with you (rent-free, I presume) for four years, and the ring he promised hasn’t materialized.
The living situation you have tolerated for so long hasn’t helped him move forward. (Could he have gambling debts?) While Liz may not like you doing it, explain to Owen that it’s time to find a place of his own. I’m hoping, as I suspect you are, that this may galvanize him to action — whether it’s to step up to the plate or head out the door.
DEAR ABBY: How do I ask my family to stop worrying about me? I was widowed three years ago after a 28-year relationship. My sisters and father panic if I don’t respond to their texts within 12 hours, always telling me they are “just worried.”
We live in different time zones, and I try to respect them by not responding after 9 or 10 p.m. They react with great worry when they don’t hear from me. I am a capable, self-aware adult, and I would like this to stop without hurting their feelings. I have told them this and they continue!
For example, I traveled one weekend and returned home after 10 p.m. my time, midnight their time, and they responded 12 hours later “HELLO??” when I didn’t respond to a text about whether I was home. This was air travel, not by car. When my father learned I had been out of town, he was hurt that he was not aware.
I appreciate their concern but do not feel I need to reassure them of my well-being. At the same time, I don’t want to push them away. Please advise. — DOING WELL IN NEVADA
DEAR DOING WELL: Clearly, you have been much too considerate. Here’s what you do: Regardless of the hour, answer their texts. Let them wake up at midnight or 1 a.m. to the “good news” that you have arrived home safely, and perhaps they’ll loosen up and stop worrying so much.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
